Blogging My Autobiography - Chapter 28

Adversity, Death and Gratitude        

Don’t let the tag line concern you. As I have tried to be with all the thoughts I have put down on paper, this will be a positive experience. To quote one of the most quotable movies ever, “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” (Princess Bride). I have seen that as a joke, but as with all the best jokes, there is a core of truth in it. Life is pain, it’s how we learn best, through failures and disappointments, as long as we take the time to reflect on the pain and garner the lessons from it. I have seen a fair amount in my life so I want to share a few experiences and what I learned from them.

I was a serial job killer. After I graduated college, I went into the job market with high hopes. I got a job with Mountain Bell and moved to Denver. Happy with the situation, I didn’t understand that I was in trouble from the beginning. I was there on time, left on time and tried to work hard. After all, that was all I was required to do at any job I worked at up to that point. In a professional environment, you have to go the extra mile. This I did not know. I didn’t understand why so many people worked late, if only an extra hour or so. They also were in the office a bit early. Not me, I was just on time. My manager noticed this and it did not endear me to him. Then I made my second mistake, I tried to be friends with my boss by going to the gym with him an working out every day. He was not in the best overall shape, but he had enormous biceps, making up for other inadequacies perhaps. He certainly tried to use them to flirt with ladies and intimidate men. I was not intimidated. I could do as many curls as he could plus could bench press more and leg press more. I was 20 years younger than him so it only made sense. What this did was put me in competition with him, not a good situation with your boss. I bruised his ego. Between that and the unwillingness to go the extra mile and I was outta there in 2 years. Lesson learned: Extra effort and sacrifice make you a valuable employee and harder to get rid of. Always make your boss look good, no matter where you are.

I lost a job because I disliked another employee and did everything I could to get him fired. I was successful in getting him fired and then I was 2 weeks later. I think the lesson was obvious.

I lost a lot of sales jobs because in the end, I am not a good salesperson. I did work and apply the lessons but I was unwilling to empathize with the customer at some level and tell them what they wanted to hear. They should buy from me because it was a good decision, not because they wanted to. No one buys anything because it’s a good decision, they buy because they want to. What was the lesson? Don’t waste time with something you consistently fail at. Find where your talents are and follow the road they lead you. I love what I do now and it’s NOT sales.

In the course of losing all these jobs, I spent many months out of work. One experience that will forever be etched in my memory happened after I lost the job at Mountain Bell. Not sure what to do next, I decided that computers were the next big thing. I was going to get into that business because I liked computers and thought they were cool. It took me 10 months to find a job. How it happened is the core of this story. I had been out of work 9 months. Unemployment had run out. We were on assistance. We had sold my class ring from high school to stave off the wolves at the door. We had no money at all. So, I swallowed my pride and went down to the day labor place on Larimer Street in Denver and registered at the hiring hall. This place was where all the drunks, druggies and other assorted street people went to work to get enough money for their next fix or drink. I walked in and was faced with a wall of cigarette smoke, so thick you could barely see. It was mingled with the stench of sweaty bodies with a touch of acid sweetness from the vomit. Bad. The hiring desk gave me some papers to fill out, which I did and left the hall. I could not stand the atmosphere. You had to be in the hall, though so if they called your name, you could go up and get your job. From time to time, I stuck my head in to hear, but that was about it. One guy came up to me and told me he had killed a man the night before, another was a hobo, riding the trains from city to city. He was pretty clean, though and reasonable to talk to. Still, I had to get out of there, so I walked down the street a ways, bowed my head and said a prayer, begging Father in Heaven to help me and my family out. I don’t think I have ever felt as humble before or since. After the prayer, I went back to the hall and stuck my head in and heard my name called. The hiring dispatcher asked me if I knew the city and could I drive. I said yes and he sent me to a siding and insulation warehouse where I was to do delivery and sweep up. I drove to the business which happened to be near our home and they put me to work. After the first day, they asked me back for another which I gladly accepted. The next day I was offered a permanent job. I told them I would but that I had interviews that I would be going on for another job. They told me that was fine and allowed me to leave whenever I had to. Three weeks later, I had a job in the computer industry at McDonnell Douglas. Working in that warehouse is one of the sweeter jobs I have ever had, because it was a gift from God. Lesson learned? I think you can figure it out.

I work at a great company now and have for 10 years. I manage a project management group that spans North and South America and Europe or Japan at times. Life is good on the job front now. Would it be without the trials? I don’t think so.

Death. It’s scary for a lot of people. I have no fear of it except that my family is taken care of when I have to leave this world. Why would I feel this way? Well, I have died and come back. It was an amazing experience. I was in Burlington, Massachusetts near Boston on a business trip. I had been there a week and was looking forward to coming home. Friday night I went to bed feeling okay but woke up about 1am feeling awful. I went into the bathroom and vomited blood. It was pretty scary because there was a lot of it and it was bright red, not the blood you associate with veins but with arteries. This went on for a while and I was feeling very light headed, so called the front desk to get some help. They were right there, helped me pack up a few things and sent me to the hospital ... in a cab. It was closest and fastest so it worked. Fortunately, the hospital was right down the street, you could see it from the hotel. The hospital was the Lahey Clinic, the top gastroenterology hospital on the east coast and maybe the US, exactly the place I needed. I was rushed into the emergency ward where they diagnosed internal bleeding but not sure why. After checking in and making sure I was not dying immediately I was put in a room and asked to change into a hospital gown. Change accomplished, I was taken to an operating room where they put me out (or tried to, I am notoriously hard to put under) and stuck what felt like a huge snake down my throat. Gag reflex was strong and I bit the snake so it wouldn’t go any further. The doctors were frustrated so they gave me more drugs which put me out totally and got the endoscope into my stomach. There they saw an ulcer that had eaten through the stomach lining and burst an artery in my stomach. It was clotted over so they thought they would watch it and see. When I was told this the next morning, I was depressed. It was the week before Thanksgiving and I really wanted to be home, not in a hospital in Boston, 2000 miles from home. Later in the day I spoke with Debi and was very upset, I cried some as we were talking and some after. When I am stressed, it usually goes to my stomach and I was stressed. Not a good thing when you have a burst artery in your stomach. As I went to sleep that night, I felt bad again, but they gave me a sleeping pill and I was out. The next thing I remember is floating over my body in the bed and a nurse came in to take my pulse. She checked her watch, looked at the monitor and ran out of the room. Next thing I knew there were 12 people in the room working on me. It was not worrisome, though, because I was at peace. I have never felt like that since. It was a feeling of release, my burdens were completely gone. I have described it as a relief, but it was much much more than that. It was a release and a joy that is indescribable. Like being let out of prison where you were forced to work every day under awful conditions, multiplied by a thousand or more.

The next thing I remember is being wheeled into the operating room where they rearranged my insides and repaired the damage. i have a nice big zipper in my stomach as a reminder. After 2 weeks, they released my to my Aunt and Uncle who drove up from Washington DC to pick me up. I flew home after 3 more days recovering with them. Thanks Uncle Jim and Aunt Beverly!

When I die, I know what is waiting for me and I know who will be there to greet me. My Grandpa Ted will be first to hold out his hand and take mine as I step across. many others will be there as well, all smiling and welcoming me home. It will be a celebration of life, the next one after this test of tribulation. Remember, “Life is Pain.”

Am I grateful for the pain? I am, indeed. Without pain there is no pleasure. If we have no sadness in our lives, there will be no joy. We can’t know one without the other. I have joy in my wife, children and grandchildren because I know what it’s like to be separated from them. I am happy and grateful for my job, because I have been without more than I ever wanted. This life is more of a joy because I have missed chunks of it that I want back and I know that no matter what happens, I will be happy to go when my time has come. I am grateful for the learning, grateful for the pain and adversity. It has made me a better, stronger man.